


your skin like winter.

by protect-me (troshby), protect_rosie



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Secrets, Separations, long term affair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 14:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3123533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troshby/pseuds/protect-me, https://archiveofourown.org/users/protect_rosie/pseuds/protect_rosie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which adam and michael have a long-term affair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your skin like winter.

**Author's Note:**

> title for story and part taken from _Contemptress_ by Motionless in White ft. Maria Brink of In This Moment from their album _Reincarnate_. also used recycled a line or two from candle_beck's _The How-To Series_.

Adam just used him for sex - nothing else - and Michael was surprisingly okay with that. Not as okay as he had originally thought, but still okay. Everyday, Michael seemed to be _less_ okay with it, though. Sure the sex was great and all, but Michael began to yearn for something more. He began to want for Adam to stay next to him in bed after they’d had sex. He wanted Adam to cuddle him (or he could cuddle Adam) - either way was more than okay with him. He began to want to look Adam in the face, to kiss him. It just wasn’t enough anymore - that Adam would whisper dirty nothings into his ear - and he wanted something that was enough. 

So his journey began. 

This night, Adam was close to finishing (Michael could just tell by the words and how Adam held him). Michael reached back, taking hold of Adam’s wrist. 

“I want you to look at me when you come tonight,” he said, words shaky with desire. “I want you to look me in the eyes.”

“I thought we had a deal,” Adam growled. “Don’t start getting mushy on me or this isn’t going to work out.”

And Adam _was_ right - they _did_ have a deal. One that wasn’t meant to be broken, not like this. Their deal was that they would just have sex (“no fucking strings attached” as Adam had put it). They wouldn’t allow themselves to gain feelings for the other. They wouldn’t even look in each other’s face while the event was taking place because of the fear that somehow, somewhere along the line, things would just _snap_ into place and one would fall in love with the other. And they couldn’t risk that, honestly, they just couldn’t. Too much was at stake. 

“Please,” Michael began to beg. “Just this one time. Just tonight, I promise.”

“You know what? Forget it.”

And just like that, Adam pulled out. He tightly wrapped his hand around his cock and ‘finished’ himself off, coming on Michael’s back. He got up, off the bed and began to look for his jeans. He grabbed them off the floor and slipped into them, his shirt following suit. Without a word, Adam left, slamming the door to Michael’s apartment.

How selfish of him, really. Adam had just left Michael in bed, unattended, feeling used - a feeling _no one_ should have to feel. It didn’t matter though, Michael knew Adam was bound to come back to him. And no matter how many times it took Michael to convince Adam to look him in the face, he knew that he would achieve that. Sooner or later. 

For a long time it would seem that Adam would never come back to him, that he would never return. Now that the season was underway, Adam found more and more ways to ignore Michael (no matter Michael’s attempts to get Adam’s attention). It never seemed to work. When Michael finally managed to get Adam alone, he refused to speak, and goddamn it, it was getting frustrating as fuck. Eventually, Michael came to terms that what had once happened with Adam, might never happen again. He began to go his own way - avoiding alone time with Adam when possible and not being too close to him. This gave Michael a chance to focus on something else (something that didn't involve him getting laid one way or another).

And so the season went on. The team would go on to win the national league pennant, but sadly they would eventually lose the championship in six games. It was a tough loss for everyone, but Michael saw that it was even tougher for Adam. _This is my chance_ , he thought.

There were a couple of guys still lingering around the clubhouse, after most of them had left. Each person that stayed behind was standing in front of his locker, staring into nothing, emptiness. Michael saw that Adam was alone so he took this as an opportunity to get close to him. He walked from his locker to Adam’s, sitting to his left, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Michael said. “Everything is going to be okay. This isn’t the end of the world. There is still _so_ much baseball to be played next year, and the year after the next, and the year after _that_.” 

“I appreciate you trying to cheer me up,” Adam replied, finally turning and looking at Michael. “But I don’t think I need your help.”

And at that point it seemed like Adam’s shoulder was a hot stove and Michael had touched it, because his hand just _flew_ off the shoulder. His stomach dropped and he felt like his smile did too.

“Oh uhm,” he said, frantically looking for something to say. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“Well, congratulations, you’ve done it.”

Tears felt like they were welling up in his eyes, his lip quivered. He had _no_ reason why he should be enduring this pain, this abuse. Without saying another word to Adam, he got up and left. He exited the clubhouse as fast as he could (not wanting anyone to see him cry). Unfortunately, he had forgotten some gear, which meant he _had_ to go back in there to get it. He hesitated for a moment, thinking that maybe one of his other teammates would see his gear and bring it back to the hotel room. But what if no one saw it? What if everybody left without taking his stuff? Oh no, Michael knew he had to get back in there. He braced himself, taking a deep breath before coming back into the clubhouse. He made no eye contact with anyone that was left, he just walked straight to his locker, grabbed his stuff and left. 

Michael drove to the hotel by himself, music turned up as loud as possible (that didn't bother the other drivers). He smiled at the nice receptionist lady, who blushed and told him to have a good night (and boy was that far out of reach). He thanked her and headed for the elevator. Michael put his gear bag on the floor right as the elevator doors closed. He pressed the number 17 (because somehow he had been the only player staying all the way up on the seventeenth floor while the rest of the team stayed in the tenth and twelfth). It seemed a bit unfair at the time room assignments were handed out (to Michael it seemed a bit silly that room assignments were still a thing in major league ball), but now he realized that it was a blessing in disguise all along. 

Once Michael got up to the seventeenth floor, he searched for his key, which luckily for him hadn't dropped or left in his car. He swiped the key and entered his room. The room reminded him of his apartment back in Texas because it had the same color scheme, and same sort of furniture. Michael let himself down on the bed, his eyelids closing immediately, drifting off into a deep sleep. 

*

Michael was awakened by his phone ringing rather loudly. He grumbled, swearing that he thought he had put his phone on silent. His right arm lifted and landed on the nightstand, searching for his still ringing phone. Michael picked up the phone, and without looking, slid the green box and answered it. 

“Yeah?” he asked sleepily. 

“Hey, it’s Adam,” the voice at the other side replied. “I was thinking of asking if I could come in tonight?”

“Come in where?” 

And for a second Adam thought about saying _to come in you_ , but then he realized he had to get Michael to agree to see him first, “To your room. We need to talk.”

“Uh, I really don’t think there’s anything to talk about. You made it clear this afternoon.”

“You’re seriously going to be like this?”

“Yeah, I’m seriously going to be like this. Now if you excuse me, I-”

Before Michael could finish his sentence there was a knock on the door, Michael rolled his eyes before telling Adam that someone was at his door. He didn't hang up as he walked to the door, slowly making his way down the very short hallway. 

“Wha-”

And once again, before Michael could finish his sentence, someone interrupted him. This time (he did not expect) it was Adam walking in like he owned the place. 

“I just really need to talk.”

“Didn’t you already make yourself clear? Like you were so fucking rude to me earlier, I was just trying to be nice to you.”

“Babe, just forgive me, okay? I was just really fucking bummed that we lost the series when we should have been the ones celebrating on that fucking diamond. Understand me please.”

Michael was racking his brain for a reply when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him - and suddenly the feeling was back. The feeling of _what the fuck am I doing_. A feeling of _oh god, I really want him_. He just wanted Adam to throw him on the bed and do whatever he pleased. He just wanted to feel Adam in the same way he felt him all those months ago. 

“Let me show you how sorry I am, okay?” Adam said, kissing down Michael’s neck. “I want to show you how much I missed you.”

“No Adam,” Michael said - almost pleading with him - and then oh god, Adam sunk his teeth into Michael’s left shoulder. “Please, _oh god_.”

Adam turned Michael around, so that they were facing each other. It had been the first time that Adam had really looked Michael in the eyes (in a long time). Neither one said a word, they just stood there looking into each other’s eyes.

“What can I do differently this time around? Please let me know, babe.”

“I don’t know if I should tell you,” Michael replied, wrapping his arms around Adam’s neck. “I don’t want to lose you for another ten months.”

“You won’t,” Adam assured.

For a few seconds, Michael hesitated, but then as he felt Adam’s arms wrap around him much tighter than they were before, he replied in a quiet whisper, “Look me in the eyes when you come. Make me feel like I was good or something, like I’m _actually_ wanted by you.”

“Baby, you know that I want you more than anyone.”

“Do you really, Adam? Do you really want me more than anyone? Prove it to me.”

Adam smiled, bringing his lips down to Michael’s. He pulled on the younger man’s bottom lip with his teeth, earning a groan from him. Without breaking the kiss, Adam led Michael to the bed, laying him down gently. His hands began to roam Michael’s body like all the other times before - his fingers running through Michael’s nipples, making them rise out of their confines. Adam pulled back from the kiss, looking Michael in the eyes and smiling mischievously. 

“Michael, baby,” Adam whispered. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. So much. Take your shirt off for me, would you?”

“Of course.”

Michael reached down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt (with his arms crossed), struggling a bit with taking the shirt off. Adam laughed and helped pull the shirt off him. He, then, leaned down and started trailing kisses down Michael’s chest and down his torso, making Michael shiver with each kiss that was left on his body. Once Adam got to the bottom of Michael’s torso, he wasted no time in pulling down Michael’s sweatpants. 

Needless to say, Michael and Adam went on to have the best sex of their lives. And for once, Adam actually stayed next to Michael - even after they were done. Adam didn't really realize it yet, but something had clicked for him tonight. Maybe it was the way Michael looked him in the eyes as he and Adam came together. Maybe it was the fact that he had been neglecting someone that did so much for him for so long. Maybe it was the fact that Adam was too fucking stubborn and too up his fucking high horse to realize that he didn't keep coming back to Michael all those months _just_ for the sex. He didn't keep coming back _just_ because Michael was a great lay or because he would blow him without question - he kept coming back to Michael because he fucking _loved_ him. Adam _loved_ Michael. And now there was no denying it. 

Of course it fucking hurt Adam when he didn't speak to Michael all those fucking months. Of course he wanted to give up and come knocking on Michael's door just to see his face or maybe hear his voice. Adam was head over heels in love with Michael. He had been ever since that first day of spring training, when that scrawny little kid was warming up on his mound. He fucking loved the guy. 

Adam did it without thinking, he rolled around and propped his head up on his right hand and elbow. He looked at Michael - oh how beautiful he seemed. His mouth open ajar and his left arm on his forehead, breathing softly. It was then when he started thinking about how Michael looked when he was awake. He thought about the way Michael's eyes would light up every time someone complimented his pitching, commenting on what an amazing change up he had. He thought about how bright and green his eyes looked surrounded by his long, thin eyelashes, how funny he looked the second day of spring training when he shaved. Oh, those were the glory days. He thought it was so sad that Michael hated the way his nose would curve down just a bit around the halfway point, even though that was one of Adam's favorite features about Michael.

Without much thinking, Adam reached over and circled Michael's cheek with his free thumb. He wasn't pushing down hard, but it was enough to steer Michael awake. His eyes fluttered open, like the flap of a bird's wings. 

"Hey," Michael said. "Glad to see you've stayed tonight." 

"Yeah, but I've got to go now."

Michael frowned, "But why? Why can't you stay here the whole night?"

"Someone might see us coming out of the room together," Adam said - although someone seeing them come out together didn't really bother him, he just needed time alone. "You know my room is on the twelfth floor. What am I going to tell them when they see me coming down from the _seventeenth_ floor?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Adam smiled and leaned down to place a kiss on Michael's forehead. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Michael asked, turning on his left so that he could see Adam better. "I promise this is the last one."

"Of course."

"How many people have you had _this_ with? Like what you have with me. Am I the only one or are there more?"

"That's more than one question," Adam said sarcastically. "I recall you saying you had but one question." 

"Please answer me."

"Alright to answer _all_ of your questions, you are the only one. I've never done _this_ with someone on the squad. Too risky," Adam began, running his hand up and down Michael's side. "I guess you've been the only one worth that risk. The only one that will be worth that risk at any given time."

"So what are we now?" Michael asked, looking directly into Adam's eyes. "Are we exclusive?"

Adam smiled and leaned down, this time pressing a kiss on Michael's lips, "Yeah, we're exclusive."

After Adam left, Michael was getting ready to jump out of bed and scream to the world that he and Adam were now exclusive. He wanted the whole world to know. He wanted to tell everyone he knew, but he couldn't. Michael didn't know how Adam was going to react, if news broke, or if he even wanted people to know. He decided to ask Adam later because he probably didn't want anyone to know, yet. Too bad Michael didn't know that the answer would only stand for the first two months. After all, where Adam came from, whatever was going on between them wasn't allowed. 

*

For the last month (January), Michael hadn't really seen much of Adam. He didn't worry too much about it at first (Michael had just earned enough to buy his first house and he was still really excited) because he thought that maybe Adam was just a little busy with family that he hadn't seen all year. Michael was still pretty sure that he and Adam were still exclusive, even though they still hadn't told anyone. Michael didn't know how much more he could take without seeing Adam, though. 

The time was about a week shy from when he and Adam were supposed to report for spring workouts and about a month shy of spring training. It was so exciting really, that he and Adam were going to get to hang out pretty much everyday. Now that he knew Adam wasn't going to ignore him, Michael was ready to have the season of his life. 

"I'm going to go see him," Michael said out loud to himself. "It'll be a nice little surprise."

Little did Michael know, _he_ was the one in for a nice little surprise; he didn't know that Adam and him weren't exclusive, they weren't even a thing, for his beloved Adam was a married man. Somehow, someway ol' Adam had kept this a secret from everyone on the team, including his oh so beloved Michael. He didn't want his wife getting in the way of things that he wanted to do - 'fun' things according to him. He wanted to live a life full of excitement and liberty, and the only way to accomplish this was to keep his marriage in the shadows. 

Little ol' Michael was at Adam's house in a hurry. He hadn't seen him for days and he was desperate to see his face, to hear his voice, to feel his touch. He walked up the driveway, to the front door, and knocked politely. A huge smile appeared on Michael's face when the door started to open, but was quickly extinguished when a woman came to the door. 

"Uh, hello, is Adam here by any chance?" he asked timidly. 

"No," the woman replied simply. "He went to get the rest of the groceries. May I ask who you are?"

"Oh, uhm, I'm a friend of Adam's. I'm second to him in the pitching rotation."

"Michael, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well," she began, opening the door a bit wider so that Michael could come in. "Would you like to wait for him in here? He should be home in a few minutes."

"I'm not sure Adam would want that," Michael laughed nervously. 

The woman laughed and waved him in, "Nonsense, I'm his wife, this is my house too." She led Michael to the large couch in the living room, before sitting across from him. "I'm Jenny, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Jenny."

Time passed as they waited for Adam. Michael asked all sorts of questions about her marriage with Adam (without making her suspicious, of course). He asked how long they had been married, and if they had any kids, all sorts of questions _about_ their marriage, really. At first she was surprised because Michael was Adam's friend and he didn't know about her and then he invented some bullshit excuse about Adam telling the team several times that he liked to keep his personal life _very_ separate from ball play. Jenny nodded her head and said that sounded a lot like Adam (hence why she never went to see him pitch). Michael was about to ask another question when keys sounded like they were being put into the lock, and alas, a few seconds later, Adam was coming inside holding five bags with each hand. 

"Baby," Adam began. "I'm hom-" 

He stopped dead in his tracks, eyes going back and forth between Jenny and Michael. He was shell shocked, not sure at all what to say. It was like a ton of bricks were dropped on him while he was trying to make a life altering decision.

“Oh hey, Michael,” he said awkwardly. “Didn’t know.. Didn’t know you had come visit. Uh, what a uh surprise.”

“I came to visit, yeah, but now I have to go. Have to see my boyfriend.”

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” Jenny said.

“Yeah, I just started seeing him recently,” Michael replied. “A couple of weeks ago.”

Michael may have been facing Jenny, but Adam was still within his range of view. He saw him clench his jaw the same way Michael had (mentally) done when Jenny said she was Adam’s wife. He didn’t care though. On the outside it seemed like he was cool and collected, but on the inside he was ready to fall apart as soon as he was by himself. Not once during his _entire_ life had he felt so humiliated, so used. He felt like a rag doll - played with and then tossed away. 

After a couple of awkwardly silent moments, Michael said it had been nice to meet Jenny - he was only half lying. She was nice, yeah, but she was also Adam’s fucking _wife_ , the one that he would _always_ come home to. It was really sad, tragic really, and Michael felt a sense of despair that he would not come out of for a long time. He had been used. He felt like just running out of the house, not looking back even once, and going home to call his agent, demand a trade and never have to see or play with Adam ever again. He wouldn’t do that, though. No. He had worked far too hard and far too long to get where he was and he wasn’t about to give it up for someone who apparently didn’t give a shit about his feelings. Besides, Michael was playing for the St. Louis Cardinals, the team he grew up cheering for despite living in Texas for most of his life. He said his goodbyes and walked out of the house. Sure, he had just been extremely hurt and broken by Adam, but he was hoping that he would chase after him. Sadly, he didn’t. Of course not. 

*

As soon as Michael got home, he stumbled a bit, tripping and falling on the grass. He didn’t bother to get up, he just lied there, not moving, just breathing. His breaths started to get shorter and shorter with each one he took. His eyes stung and his throat felt like it was going to close up any second. He couldn’t even cry, he just felt so fucking drained. So drained of all energy and emotion. So drained of life. So drained of all and everything that was Adam. 

Five whole minutes passed before Michael finally moved, he reached for his phone in his left pocket, dialed García's number. With a broken voice and watery eyes, Michael asked García to come over to his place - he really needed someone right now. Being the good friend that García was to him, he agreed, saying that he would be there within a few minutes. 

Michael didn't even look up when he heard a door slam in front of his house, he knew it was García. 

"Oh shit," Jaime whispered to himself as he approached Michael (who was still lying on the grass). "¿Qué te paso?" 

"Man, you know I'm white and I don't speak Spanish," Michael said, trying not to sound rude.

"Sorry. What happened to you? Why are you out here on the grass?"

"Life happened, my amigo, life happened."

"Come on," Jaime said, stretching out a hand for Michael. "Let's get you inside. Are you drunk?"

Once inside, Michael decided to come clean to his best friend. At first he started going on about how he felt so shitty for hiding something _this_ major from his best friend and how he wasn’t going to do that again. He hesitated a bit before he told Jaime - Michael didn’t know how he was going to react. From what Jaime had told him, he had been raised in a very strict Mexican catholic home and he was a bit worried that somehow Jaime was still like his parents. With his gaze turned to the side, Michael told Jaime that he had been sleeping (or rather, _had_ been sleeping) with Adam since spring training last year. Jaime gasped, he really didn’t know what to say or how to respond to news like that. Michael pleaded to him to keep on listening. He, then, continued to tell Jaime _why_ exactly he was the way he was when Jaime found him.

“Ese hijo de perra,” Jaime said in spanish, cracking his knuckles. “No se que le voy hacer cuando lo vea. Me las va a pagar, nadie lastima asi a mi mejor amigo, _nadie_.”

“Please don’t do anything to him,” Michael pleaded, and it seemed to only set Jaime off even more.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Uh, yeah, you did. You said ‘that son of a bitch. I don’t know what I’ll do when I see him. He’s going to pay for this, no one hurts my best friend like that, no one’.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know spanish,” Jaime said, laughing a bit. “You translated _exactly_ what I said, word for word.”

“Well, when your bestfriend is Mexican and you’ve been around him for seven years,” Michael replied, smiling. “You’re bound to learn a few words of spanish here and there.”

Michael spoke to Jaime about his affair with Adam more in depth, not so much that it would make Jaime uncomfortable, but more than he had told him. For some reason, Jaime started to look at Michael like he was the most precious thing in this world. Michael stopped speaking and Jaime was still looking at him that way, and before he knew it, Jaime was on his feet, walking towards him. He cupped Michael’s face and kissed him. It took Michael by surprise, but he wasn’t going to deny that Jaime was a very attractive guy so he kissed back. Before either of them knew it, they were making their way to Michael’s room. Once there, shirts, pants, shoes, and everything else in between started coming off their bodies. 

“What are you?” Michael said against Jaime’s lips. “Like do you.. you know.. do you do this or that?”

“Well,” Jaime replied cautiously. “I’ve never been with a man before so I don’t know how this whole thing works.”

“Okay. Are.. are you sure you want this?"

“I don’t know. I just thought it was what you.. Ah, I’m sorry.”

“Do you feel sexually attracted to me? At all?”

“Sometimes?” Jaime said, more to himself than Michael. “Like.. Oh god, I can’t believe I’m about to say this.. but like I just have the overwhelming urge to get up and cuddle you and maybe kiss. You’re my best friend but jesus christ, I don’t know where these feelings came from.” 

"I'm not going to lie to you, I'm still very hurt about what happened with Adam."

Jaime bit his lip, cast his gaze to the floor and said, "Knowing you, you're probably still in love with him, but can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Michael replied simply, subtly answering both of Jaime's statements. 

"Give us a chance."

“I don’t kn-” Michael mumbled, before there was a knock on the door downstairs. "This talk isn't over yet."

Both Jaime and Michael pulled their pants and shirts back on, and made their way down the stairs, one step after the other. It was Jaime who opened the door, after Michael told him to. Needless to say, Adam was more than surprised when he saw Jaime’s face and not Michael’s. 

“Jaime is it?” Adam asked, a bit surprised. “ _He_ ’s the one that you’ve been seeing for the past week? Didn’t I ever tell you not to mess with a teammate?’ 

“You shouldn’t be the one to talk,” Michael said, walking in front of Jaime. “Who _I_ see or fail to see is none of your business. Also, I repeat, _you_ should _not_ be the one to talk.”

“Leave us alone, will you Jaime?”

“He’s not going anywhere. Anything you have to say to me, he can hear.”

“I really _don’t_ think he should hear any of what I’m about to say to you,” Adam said. “Let him leave.”

“He knows everything that went on between you and me,” Michael stated. “I told him everything a bit ago, you know, when I fucking found out that you were married while you were fucking me.”

“Michael,” Jaime croaked. “I think this is a talk you and Adam should have in private.”

“But-”

“I insist. Plus it’ll be enough time to get some food and have a smoke.”

“Okay, just get me the usual, I guess.”

Jaime smiled at Michael before glaring at Adam, and then finally exiting the house. An awkward silence followed Jaime’s exit, one full of tension so thick it was sickening. Adam stared at Michael, who in turn, was looking down at the floor. He was feeling sick. So sick.

“What do you want?” Michael asked between his teeth. 

“I have to explain myself.”

“Explain what!? That you’re married while you were fucking me? Is that what? Save it. I really don’t want to hear what you have to say anymore. I am done with you.”

“You don’t understand!” Adam exclaimed, walking towards Michael. “Where are you from, huh? Tell me.”

“Iowa.”

“Exactly.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means, Michael, that you’re _not_ from the south. You weren’t brought up like I was. This, what is going on between us, that shit’s not allowed in the south.”

“Do you forget that I was practically raised in Texas? I don’t know about you, but that looks a lot like the south for me.”

“That’s not-”

“Then what in the world is it supposed mean?”

“Have I ever spoken to you about my brother Jamison?” 

“No.”

“Do you know why?”

“No. Why?”

“Because he’s gay too,” Adam said, finally giving in and sitting on the couch. “My parents kicked him out when I was five. I didn’t want that to be me as well, so I married Jenny.”

“That still doesn’t justify the fact that you _lied_ to me,” Michael replied, pacing the floor in front of Adam. “You lied to me even after I asked you for the truth. All you ever did was lie to me and now I don’t know whether I should trust you or not. You were all I was ever sure of, and now, now I don’t think I’ll ever be sure of you again.”

“Oh god, please don’t say that,” Adam breathed out. “Not now, not ever. Just please, hear me out okay?”

“What so you can tell me that you’re _never_ going to leave your wife for me because that’s not what happens in the south? Are you just going to tell me that what happened with us is now over forever? Save it, I _really don’t_ want to hear it. I’m going to try to move on with Jaime, and I suggest you trying to do the same with your wife, okay?”

"How can I try to move on from the love of my life with someone that I cannot stand? Hmmm, please explain."

“Love of your life?” Michael asked in astonishment. “Are you fucking listening to yourself right now?”

“It’s the fucking truth!”

“I cannot believe you.”

“Why the hell not?”

“You know exactly why,” he said between gritted teeth. “You lied to me all through what we had going. You didn’t even bother telling me that you had a wife.”

“That’s because you would have never accepted me if I told you about Jenny,” Adam shot back. “You’re too good that you would never want to hurt someone, even if you didn’t know them.”

“Listen, this conversation is just beating around the bush. Talk to me about this again when you’ve left your wife. And not another word about this until you have left her, am I understood? Another word and I will never speak to you ever again.”

“Bu-”

“Another word,” Michael said in a low-hushed tone that almost made Adam shiver. “And whatever possibilities you still had with me, are gone forever.”

Without another word, Adam stood up and left, and along with him, Michael’s hopes of ever waking up to him again. Sure, he still had Jaime, but Michael wasn’t fooling anyone. Nothing was going to be the same as it was with Adam. There would be no sense of urgency, for example, which Michael guessed was what kept the spark alive between him and Adam all those months. Michael knew that Jaime was always going to be there, which he wasn’t so certain of when he was with Adam. It was all going to be very different and he didn’t know if he was up for the challenge.

*

Things has gotten off to a fantastic start between him and Jaime. Jaime had seemed eager to please Michael, and Michael appreciated that so much. But still, there was something in his chest that Jaime could never fill - and that was the gigantic hole Adam had left in his heart. No matter how hard anyone tried, that hole could only be filled by him and no one else. It got to be so much that one day during spring workouts - Jaime had gone out with others, said he wouldn't be back till very late - so Michael gave up, he gave up and called Adam. 

"Yeah?" Adam asked groggily, as if Michael had woken him up from his slumber. "Who is this?"

And sure, it stung like hell. It stung so had to know that it hadn't even been a month and Adam had already deleted his number from his contacts. That didn't deter him though, Michael was determined to see Adam that night, even if it was only for a few minutes. 

"Hey Adam, it's Michael," he spoke slowly. "I, uhm, wanted to know if you, uh, were.. if you were up to anything tonight?"

"Uhm, no." 

This time Adam sounded more awake, surprised even. 

"Did you, did you maybe want to come up to my room and hang out? Maybe?"

"I don't know man, are you sure about that?"

"Completely," Michael said smiling. He could already feel the adrenaline pumping through him, as if this were a first date of some sort. "I'm literally down the hall, room 119. Just knock before coming in, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be down there in a few."

Michael could help but smile. Maybe he had been rude to Adam, maybe he hadn't been willing to listen, he was just so _disappointed_ , angry even. But now all those feelings were gone. All he wanted was to see Adam. He didn't give a damn that Adam was married, and maybe he should, but that didn't matter now. 

It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. Michael straightened himself up, feeling his mouth curl up at the edges, overflowing with excitement. 

"Hey," it was Adam. He seemed surprised, but nonetheless, happy. "I, uh, what did you have in mind?"

"Nothing really," Michael replied simply, making way for Adam to come in. "I thought that maybe we could order some room service and watch a movie or two."

"Where's Jaime?"

"Who?"

"Jaime."

"Oh yeah, him, uh I think he said he was going out with some of his old friends, catching up or something."

"You know," Adam said, walking to the bed and sitting on it. "For a couple, you two seem pretty distant. Just the other day I asked him the same thing, and I got the same reaction. What's going on with you two?"

"What are you talking about? Same thing that goes on with every couple."

"No, _this_ , whatever is going on between you two, is _not_ what goes on with every couple. I mean, I'm pretty sure if I was Jaime I wouldn't leave you alone to catch up with someone else. And especially considering _our_ history together, I would have taken you with me."

"What?" Michael asked. "What do you mean? What are you trying to say?"

"Just the other day, you told Jaime about what went down between us, and I was pretty sure y'all hated me. I didn't think he would leave you alone knowing I was right down the hall."

"You think Jaime and I are a couple? Well we sort of are, but we're more of an arrangement. I keep him company and he keeps me safe and wanted and awa-" Michael stopped, knowing what he was about to say could have bad consequences. Instead, he sat down next to Adam. 

"And he wanted to keep you away from me," he said. "It's okay, I get it."

"Yeah. He doesn't trust me around you, and to be honest, I don't either."

"Then why.. why did you call me down here? Just the other day you said you didn't want to see me until I left my wife, and last time I checked, I still haven't done that."

"Does that mean you will?"

"I don't know," he whispered. "Do you want me to? I just don't want you getting into any fender bender with Jaime, don't want you to lose your best friend, if you come back to me."

"Don't worry," Michael said soothingly, draping an arm around Adam's shoulders. "If he really is my best friend, then he'll understand."

*

Jaime stumbled in at around two, “Michael, Michael..” he called, moving towards Michael’s bed, and finally sitting on the edge. “I fucked up, I’m sorry.” He was drunk, not a lot, but enough that his words were a bit slow. 

“Wh-what do you mean?” Michael asked, yawning in between words. 

“I kissed Kyle.. not only that, I let him do something worse to me.”

It was then when Michael sat up, rubbing at his eyes. He was confused, but quickly figured out what Jaime was probably trying to say - he and Kyle had sex. He knows that he should probably be furious at him, but he remembered there being something special going on between Kyle and Jaime before _they_ got together. He couldn’t really be mad at Jaime - he didn’t have the right - because he didn’t love Jaime like he loved Adam.

“Hey,” Michael said soothingly. “Come here.” He patted the empty spot next to him. “How do you feel about Kyle, huh? It’s alright, you can tell me.”

“I.. I don’t know,” Jaime began, fiddling with his thumbs. “I.. he’s great. He makes me smile and laugh every time I talk to him. He makes me feel all warm inside, like my heart’s doing flips. The facial hair on his chin that he has going on annoys me a bit, but deep down, it makes him look more handsome. His eyes are the ones that really get me. I feel like I could stare into them forever and never get bored, you know? I don’t know.. and tonight, he just hugged me, we hadn’t hugged in forever, not since I got in this little arrangement with you. I don’t know I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m really sorry if I did.”

“I saw Adam today.”

“You what?” Jaime asked shrilly, then realizing and lowering his voice. “Sorry.”

“I.. he.. we didn’t do anything tonight,” he spoke, soft and slow, as if to not upset Jaime. “Told him that I wouldn’t anything.. that nothing would happen between us until I sorted things out with you first.”

“Wow, thanks for making me feel like a shitty friend.”

“That’s no-”

“It’s okay I understand,” Jaime said. “If I tell you something else, do you promise to not be mad at me?”

“I promise.”

“You know that day.. uh, when I, when you found out that Adam’s married. I kissed you because I had just had a huge fight with Kyle. I wanted to get back at him for screaming at me. I’m sorry.”

“You wanted to get back at him so bad that you were willing to have sex with me? You were going to let it get that far?”

“Alright,” Jaime said, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Mom, I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Michael said, grabbing Jaime’s hand with his own. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Best friends?”

“Best friends.”


End file.
